So, I was trying to hang up the curtain in my room today. The darn nails pulled right out of the wall. It's been forever since that curtain has been up in my room. So, I climbed up on the bed, got out my hammer, and started pounding --this time straight nails-- into the wall, as the previous had bent when last hammered in.
The curtains were in place! Yay! And mid-celebration Paul called. And down the curtains fell. The nails came right out of the wall within five minutes of hammering them in. Paul and I enjoyed a nice 5 minute or so conversation, about the day to day here and in Iraq. Then, he informed me that he was considering sending me a box of Cuban cigars. This took me aback a bit, knowing that I'm six months smoke-free, and have been temped SO much to smoke since he left. Then I asked him, while we were on the tobacco subject, if he had dipped. He quit a month or so before I did, and his purpose for quitting was to encourage my to quit.
"Not yet." He answered me. "Not yet?" What does that mean? I will soon? This really upset me. In my mind I hear, "It's not fair if he dips. I've ALWAYS used cigarettes as a way to deal with stress, and this is about the second most stressful time in my life! Why should I not smoke if he's dipping?"
I'd already been feeling a little disconnected from him. It's difficult to attain any type of intimacy, physical, emotional, etc., when your husband is a world away, and your phone conversations are 5 minutes long every day.
So I started to think. What if we don't want to be together when he comes back? What if he changes and it's not for the better? What if I can't handle the change? What if my marriage falls apart?
While we were talking, I was continuing on my mission to get the curtains hung. They continued to fall, each time, nails just slipping out of every one of the umpteen holes I had put in the wall. I then got upset, and stifled my cry until our phone conversation was over.
I called one of my best friends, Marla Jo. Her husband is deployed right now too, and she is familiar with all of the emotions and worries associated with a deployment.
She kindly and understandingly explained to me, that, in a nutshell that God is the reason I quit smoking, not Paul. God keeps a marriage together, not Paul. God is perfect, not Paul.
She explained that she too needs to put God in her DAILY walk. He's certainly in her WEEKLY walk, but daily? Not really.
Wow.
So, after calming down, I went back to the bedroom, and I used a different type of nail to put the curtains up. I used a gold nail, much bigger and shaped slightly like a screw-- better fit and capable of doing the job. And HALLELUJAH! The curtains are still up.
Choose your nails wisely. Relying on the wrong nail isn't good for the nail or the wall.
