So, I was trying to hang up the curtain in my room today. The darn nails pulled right out of the wall. It's been forever since that curtain has been up in my room. So, I climbed up on the bed, got out my hammer, and started pounding --this time straight nails-- into the wall, as the previous had bent when last hammered in.
The curtains were in place! Yay! And mid-celebration Paul called. And down the curtains fell. The nails came right out of the wall within five minutes of hammering them in. Paul and I enjoyed a nice 5 minute or so conversation, about the day to day here and in Iraq. Then, he informed me that he was considering sending me a box of Cuban cigars. This took me aback a bit, knowing that I'm six months smoke-free, and have been temped SO much to smoke since he left. Then I asked him, while we were on the tobacco subject, if he had dipped. He quit a month or so before I did, and his purpose for quitting was to encourage my to quit.
"Not yet." He answered me. "Not yet?" What does that mean? I will soon? This really upset me. In my mind I hear, "It's not fair if he dips. I've ALWAYS used cigarettes as a way to deal with stress, and this is about the second most stressful time in my life! Why should I not smoke if he's dipping?"
I'd already been feeling a little disconnected from him. It's difficult to attain any type of intimacy, physical, emotional, etc., when your husband is a world away, and your phone conversations are 5 minutes long every day.
So I started to think. What if we don't want to be together when he comes back? What if he changes and it's not for the better? What if I can't handle the change? What if my marriage falls apart?
While we were talking, I was continuing on my mission to get the curtains hung. They continued to fall, each time, nails just slipping out of every one of the umpteen holes I had put in the wall. I then got upset, and stifled my cry until our phone conversation was over.
I called one of my best friends, Marla Jo. Her husband is deployed right now too, and she is familiar with all of the emotions and worries associated with a deployment.
She kindly and understandingly explained to me, that, in a nutshell that God is the reason I quit smoking, not Paul. God keeps a marriage together, not Paul. God is perfect, not Paul.
She explained that she too needs to put God in her DAILY walk. He's certainly in her WEEKLY walk, but daily? Not really.
Wow.
So, after calming down, I went back to the bedroom, and I used a different type of nail to put the curtains up. I used a gold nail, much bigger and shaped slightly like a screw-- better fit and capable of doing the job. And HALLELUJAH! The curtains are still up.
Choose your nails wisely. Relying on the wrong nail isn't good for the nail or the wall.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Where the Green Grass Grows
So, I was looking out my window just now, and the grass looked freakishly green to me. No one else saw it but me. None of the neighbors' yards looked as green. Just mine. And I realized...some people think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Well. My grass is the greenest. It's where the people I love walk. I love my grass.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Untitled
It's been a while. I've been crazy busy. Dealing with a toddler and a preschooler is no longer my idea of fun. Jacob knows exactly what to do to push her buttons, and when the button is pushed, out comes a horrible, shrill siren. As though a storm is coming through.
The only storm, however, is my temper, that I've successfully controlled to this point. The "naughty chair" has never had so much quality time with two bottoms.
Anyway, the week was stressful. I was going non-stop from dawn til dusk, trying to keep everyone under control, and then making sure dinner was on the table for the minute Paul walked in the door.
Weekends are so awful. At this point, we can rarely get motivated to do anything...ever. Saturday night we went on a family night down to the strip. Jacob got to ride the rides, and we had dinner at a little seafood restaurant. It was fun, but it was also money spent we didn't have. Ugh...the disandvantages of being impulsive.
So, Sunday was Paul's first day on worship team! I was super excited to see him up there, and we were going to be starting our military fellowship at our house that I would be hosting, so things were going to start getting really good!
When I got to church, I was informed, however, that the guy that was going to lead the Bible study wasn't going to be able to do it, so...no military fellowship now. Bummer. Normally that would really upset me, but I was more just indifferent at this point. I got into service, and Paul was up on the stage...truly in his element. Praise God! The only thing I could do was just give thanks for giving Paul what he needed.
Typically, I would have just been bummed that I couldn't be on worship team, or bummed about the fellowship...or even jealous. But I can honestly say, God must have matured me, because that stuff didn't even pop into my head. How awesome!!!!
So, after church, I was exhausted, and I just wanted to take a nap. Paul wanted to go to a movie and have some "us time." I had been dying to see "Funny People," but I knew Paul wanted to see this other movie really bad, because it was about his job. The first one really ever made about his exact job. So, at six o'clock, the sitter came, and we ventured down to MacArthur to see, "The Hurt Locker."
I sat through 2 hours of people dismantling bombs, and in the process getting killed, almost getting killed, being emotionally scarred due to war. I won't lie, it would have been a good movie, if I wasn't sitting beside my very own, personal EOD, who happens to be embarking on that situation in less than two months.
Needless to say I spent the movie sulking, and a good hour after bawling in the car. I had just read a brochure about predeployment preparedness and the emotional cycles of deployment. Seems like Paul and I are fighting more lately, and I realized that's normal the closer you get to deployment. Well, that's good to know...I guess.
Other than that, everything was pretty chill this weekend. Now it's back to the grind. The kids are yelling harmoniously at one another. Seems like that's the new fun game, "Let's give mommy a headache." Oy vey. How much longer do I have to do this?
The only storm, however, is my temper, that I've successfully controlled to this point. The "naughty chair" has never had so much quality time with two bottoms.
Anyway, the week was stressful. I was going non-stop from dawn til dusk, trying to keep everyone under control, and then making sure dinner was on the table for the minute Paul walked in the door.
Weekends are so awful. At this point, we can rarely get motivated to do anything...ever. Saturday night we went on a family night down to the strip. Jacob got to ride the rides, and we had dinner at a little seafood restaurant. It was fun, but it was also money spent we didn't have. Ugh...the disandvantages of being impulsive.
So, Sunday was Paul's first day on worship team! I was super excited to see him up there, and we were going to be starting our military fellowship at our house that I would be hosting, so things were going to start getting really good!
When I got to church, I was informed, however, that the guy that was going to lead the Bible study wasn't going to be able to do it, so...no military fellowship now. Bummer. Normally that would really upset me, but I was more just indifferent at this point. I got into service, and Paul was up on the stage...truly in his element. Praise God! The only thing I could do was just give thanks for giving Paul what he needed.
Typically, I would have just been bummed that I couldn't be on worship team, or bummed about the fellowship...or even jealous. But I can honestly say, God must have matured me, because that stuff didn't even pop into my head. How awesome!!!!
So, after church, I was exhausted, and I just wanted to take a nap. Paul wanted to go to a movie and have some "us time." I had been dying to see "Funny People," but I knew Paul wanted to see this other movie really bad, because it was about his job. The first one really ever made about his exact job. So, at six o'clock, the sitter came, and we ventured down to MacArthur to see, "The Hurt Locker."
I sat through 2 hours of people dismantling bombs, and in the process getting killed, almost getting killed, being emotionally scarred due to war. I won't lie, it would have been a good movie, if I wasn't sitting beside my very own, personal EOD, who happens to be embarking on that situation in less than two months.
Needless to say I spent the movie sulking, and a good hour after bawling in the car. I had just read a brochure about predeployment preparedness and the emotional cycles of deployment. Seems like Paul and I are fighting more lately, and I realized that's normal the closer you get to deployment. Well, that's good to know...I guess.
Other than that, everything was pretty chill this weekend. Now it's back to the grind. The kids are yelling harmoniously at one another. Seems like that's the new fun game, "Let's give mommy a headache." Oy vey. How much longer do I have to do this?
Monday, July 27, 2009
What a Day...
Last night, may have been the most awful night ever. I may have gotten three solid hours of sleep. All I could think about was: what if a roach crawls on my bed? what if they're IN my bed? I had an awful dream that there were three of them hiding under my pillow. I woke up and had to go to the bathroom. I held it for two hours, because I was terrified that if I went into the bathroom I'd turn on the light and a roach would scatter across the floor. So when 6:30am came, I was exhausted. Paul woke up with me and did a thorough search of the house to make sure that there was nothing that would make me lose control of my bladder.
He's such an amazing husband. I went to pick up my Ashley yesterday, who I hadn't seen in a MONTH, and while I was gone, Paul cleaned under both the couches, the stove and the washer and dryer. He only found two, and they were under the washer...thank God.
So I babysat Robin today for the first time. She's a 3 1/2 year old Dora the Explorer look alike. She acts like her too. She doesn't find much joy in doing creative thins like coloring, or making crafts. She loves to play cars and be outside with Jacob and the dog.
And after she left, and every ounce of energy I had was exhausted, I sat in front of the door and waited for the Orkin man to show up. His timeframe was between 1 and 5pm. It was 5:30. I was freaking out. "Please God don't make me have another night of no sleep." So I called, and THANK GOD I did, because they had forgotten about me. Nice save. I learned from Tony, my new best friend, that the roaches that are in our house are not the bad roaches. These ones are outside dwellers, they don't come in to eat our food, they just find their way in through cracks. He said they call them 'water bugs.' And since we're blessed with an inlet to the ocean behind our house, that's why they're here. Well, at least they're not the "German roaches." Those are the ones that swarm in your cupboards and you find them in your food.
Tony tells me that we've got a few places in our house need sealed off, and that we should definitely NOT move to base housing because,he said,they're even worse. Yay. So if I don't seal off my crawl space better the rats will get in in winter. Never in my life have I dealt with this kind of crap. Grr. Oh well, at least now we're golden. We might see a few, but it'll only be dead ones. *Whew!*
Well, time to make dinner. Still waiting for the husband to get home from work. Terriyaki chicken over rice for dinner. Talk to you soon!
He's such an amazing husband. I went to pick up my Ashley yesterday, who I hadn't seen in a MONTH, and while I was gone, Paul cleaned under both the couches, the stove and the washer and dryer. He only found two, and they were under the washer...thank God.
So I babysat Robin today for the first time. She's a 3 1/2 year old Dora the Explorer look alike. She acts like her too. She doesn't find much joy in doing creative thins like coloring, or making crafts. She loves to play cars and be outside with Jacob and the dog.
And after she left, and every ounce of energy I had was exhausted, I sat in front of the door and waited for the Orkin man to show up. His timeframe was between 1 and 5pm. It was 5:30. I was freaking out. "Please God don't make me have another night of no sleep." So I called, and THANK GOD I did, because they had forgotten about me. Nice save. I learned from Tony, my new best friend, that the roaches that are in our house are not the bad roaches. These ones are outside dwellers, they don't come in to eat our food, they just find their way in through cracks. He said they call them 'water bugs.' And since we're blessed with an inlet to the ocean behind our house, that's why they're here. Well, at least they're not the "German roaches." Those are the ones that swarm in your cupboards and you find them in your food.
Tony tells me that we've got a few places in our house need sealed off, and that we should definitely NOT move to base housing because,he said,they're even worse. Yay. So if I don't seal off my crawl space better the rats will get in in winter. Never in my life have I dealt with this kind of crap. Grr. Oh well, at least now we're golden. We might see a few, but it'll only be dead ones. *Whew!*
Well, time to make dinner. Still waiting for the husband to get home from work. Terriyaki chicken over rice for dinner. Talk to you soon!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Joy!
We woke up this morning to "Mama! Mama! Dad!" This is our routine weekend alarm clock, but the difference is, last night we stayed up to watch Revolutionary Road. We were up until 1:30, and let me tell you I about cried for an hour afterword. (This movie will suck any happiness you have out of your 2 hours.) Of course the dog woke up twice in the middle of the night, and Paul got up and let her out both times. He was running low on sleep and he was a BEAR this morning. So, I got up and walked into my toddler's bedroom, to find him pointing at something on the floor. "What's that momma?" I had a feeling what was to come. I saw a quick glimpse and forced myself not to scream as my husband quickly pulled me out of the doorway, barging into the room with his weapon of choice: toilet paper. He knew too. Yes, my friends, the Voltron of all cockroaches was laying on it's back in my baby boy's room.
Needless to say, we freaked out. We are very clean people. I vacuum every other day, and there is never a drop of food left out or where it's not supposed to be. The same issue occurred around the middle of June. We spotted a couple of dead ones. One on the wall in the bathroom and one in the spare room closet. Immediately we had the house sprayed, and we found a few dead ones after that, but apparently that's how it goes.
It's only about a month later and they're back. I have to tell you, there is nothing I fear more than a cockroach. I never saw one before now, and they're just as terrifying in person as they are on screen. They may be the only phobia I have.
We called Orkin, and they'll be here tomorrow morning, thank God, but it's still terrifying to think that they are in my house for another day.
So, after all that mess was taken care of, we got showered and ready for church. Paul cooked breakfast, and grumbled at the dog, the kid, and me. (Grump.) And we were off to church.
We've had a hard time up until now trying to decide on which church to stick with. Glad Tidings or Harvest? We loved specific things about both. The friends we made at Glad Tidings are awesome, and they have a Military Fellowship twice a month as well. But the pastor wasn't the MOST personable. Which is kind of understandable, I mean, it's a huge church, and it's hard to get into deep conversation with every new person that goes. We like the fact that GT is so organized. They have their small groups and they are AG, etc.
Then there's Harvest. Pastor Craig wears jeans and a button up for sunday service, the worship is AWESOME! It's concert style, which is what we're used to, and the sermons leave us feeling fed, and even FULL!
So, I left it up to hubby today. "What church are we gonna go to babe?"
"The one on the road."
"They're both on roads, babe."
"I forget the name! The one we went to last week," he growled. (It was along those lines."
"Ok. Why are you so grumpy?"
"I'm not grumpy! I'm just upset. The dog is driving me nuts, Jacob keeps throwing his food on the floor, Gidget eats it, he knows he's not allowed to throw it, and now we have COCKROACHES! I swear to you if we can't get rid of these cockroaches..."
We hopped in the car and I prayed, "Lord, PLEASE let him find his niche. He's not going to be really happy happy until he finds his niche."
Service was AMAZING. I'll post a link to the message as soon as it's up. It's a MUST hear. Pastor talked about how Christians have let the joy be sucked out of their life, by removing the simple things that God has created for joy. And the Bible says, "Joy is our strength."
He went on to talk about how he went to a Coldplay concert, and how everyone was so excited and everyone talked to everyone else and they were really joyful! And how when he goes to a Christian event, majority of the time, he feels like he has to be on his best behavior, and like he has to walk within a margin, sucking the joy out of it. He even said, "I know a lot of Christians would judge me for going to a Coldplay concert. Why? Why does there have to be "secular music and spiritual music?" This man was right on our level. And something within Paul was lifted. His eyes started shining, and you could LITERALLY SEE joy shooting through him. This pastor is us. And it was then we realized where we belong.
Everyone knows the part of service where you turn and greet eachoter and say hi and everything. The pastor walked from the pulpit and shook Paul's and my hands, and welcomed us. He said he saw us last week and didn't get to meet us. *gasp* There is no way for me to type an expression of how awesome this was to us! He personally invited us to their luncheon after service.
At the luncheon, he came over and sat with us. We explained to him how we used to be on worship team, and Paul noticed they don't have a bass player. I explained that I had spoken to one of the guys from the church on the phone and told him this, but he'd said we'd have to wait til after "Harvest 101," which is a class to make sure the church is the right fit for us, and we're the right fit for the church. Pastor said, "Ya, that'd be great if you could make it to that, but you be at practice Thursday at 6:30." !!!!!!!!! Paul's niche.
GOD ANSWERS PRAYER.
Needless to say, we freaked out. We are very clean people. I vacuum every other day, and there is never a drop of food left out or where it's not supposed to be. The same issue occurred around the middle of June. We spotted a couple of dead ones. One on the wall in the bathroom and one in the spare room closet. Immediately we had the house sprayed, and we found a few dead ones after that, but apparently that's how it goes.
It's only about a month later and they're back. I have to tell you, there is nothing I fear more than a cockroach. I never saw one before now, and they're just as terrifying in person as they are on screen. They may be the only phobia I have.
We called Orkin, and they'll be here tomorrow morning, thank God, but it's still terrifying to think that they are in my house for another day.
So, after all that mess was taken care of, we got showered and ready for church. Paul cooked breakfast, and grumbled at the dog, the kid, and me. (Grump.) And we were off to church.
We've had a hard time up until now trying to decide on which church to stick with. Glad Tidings or Harvest? We loved specific things about both. The friends we made at Glad Tidings are awesome, and they have a Military Fellowship twice a month as well. But the pastor wasn't the MOST personable. Which is kind of understandable, I mean, it's a huge church, and it's hard to get into deep conversation with every new person that goes. We like the fact that GT is so organized. They have their small groups and they are AG, etc.
Then there's Harvest. Pastor Craig wears jeans and a button up for sunday service, the worship is AWESOME! It's concert style, which is what we're used to, and the sermons leave us feeling fed, and even FULL!
So, I left it up to hubby today. "What church are we gonna go to babe?"
"The one on the road."
"They're both on roads, babe."
"I forget the name! The one we went to last week," he growled. (It was along those lines."
"Ok. Why are you so grumpy?"
"I'm not grumpy! I'm just upset. The dog is driving me nuts, Jacob keeps throwing his food on the floor, Gidget eats it, he knows he's not allowed to throw it, and now we have COCKROACHES! I swear to you if we can't get rid of these cockroaches..."
We hopped in the car and I prayed, "Lord, PLEASE let him find his niche. He's not going to be really happy happy until he finds his niche."
Service was AMAZING. I'll post a link to the message as soon as it's up. It's a MUST hear. Pastor talked about how Christians have let the joy be sucked out of their life, by removing the simple things that God has created for joy. And the Bible says, "Joy is our strength."
He went on to talk about how he went to a Coldplay concert, and how everyone was so excited and everyone talked to everyone else and they were really joyful! And how when he goes to a Christian event, majority of the time, he feels like he has to be on his best behavior, and like he has to walk within a margin, sucking the joy out of it. He even said, "I know a lot of Christians would judge me for going to a Coldplay concert. Why? Why does there have to be "secular music and spiritual music?" This man was right on our level. And something within Paul was lifted. His eyes started shining, and you could LITERALLY SEE joy shooting through him. This pastor is us. And it was then we realized where we belong.
Everyone knows the part of service where you turn and greet eachoter and say hi and everything. The pastor walked from the pulpit and shook Paul's and my hands, and welcomed us. He said he saw us last week and didn't get to meet us. *gasp* There is no way for me to type an expression of how awesome this was to us! He personally invited us to their luncheon after service.
At the luncheon, he came over and sat with us. We explained to him how we used to be on worship team, and Paul noticed they don't have a bass player. I explained that I had spoken to one of the guys from the church on the phone and told him this, but he'd said we'd have to wait til after "Harvest 101," which is a class to make sure the church is the right fit for us, and we're the right fit for the church. Pastor said, "Ya, that'd be great if you could make it to that, but you be at practice Thursday at 6:30." !!!!!!!!! Paul's niche.
GOD ANSWERS PRAYER.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
D.R.A.M.A
So. My phone rang today. It was an old friend who needed advice. She was concerned because her live-in boyfriend has been texting and recieving texts from a girl that I'm "friends" with. She called me and asked me what she should think.
Seeing as this girl has had a history of being a tad two-faced, I called it like I saw it. I just wanted to help her out, and be honest.
All of a sudden my phone is blowing up, "Wow, you're THAT bad of a friend Shannon? I stole your boyfriend? We were 14."
I won't go into detail, but I've always had my guard up with this girl, and in my trying to look out for someone, now I'm being attacked.
So, today, I'm turning a new leaf. I'm not giving advice to anyone about anyone else, and I'm not re-friending someone who I have doubts about. Lesson learned. And with that said, I guess it's time to just let go of my PA people. I refuse to allow their drama follow me to VA, and that's one of the reasons I wanted to get out of PA anyway. Of course I won't let go of my family, but I haven't really had much of a positive experience with any of my old friends since I moved here.
O well...
Seeing as this girl has had a history of being a tad two-faced, I called it like I saw it. I just wanted to help her out, and be honest.
All of a sudden my phone is blowing up, "Wow, you're THAT bad of a friend Shannon? I stole your boyfriend? We were 14."
I won't go into detail, but I've always had my guard up with this girl, and in my trying to look out for someone, now I'm being attacked.
So, today, I'm turning a new leaf. I'm not giving advice to anyone about anyone else, and I'm not re-friending someone who I have doubts about. Lesson learned. And with that said, I guess it's time to just let go of my PA people. I refuse to allow their drama follow me to VA, and that's one of the reasons I wanted to get out of PA anyway. Of course I won't let go of my family, but I haven't really had much of a positive experience with any of my old friends since I moved here.
O well...
Friday, July 24, 2009
Conformist Revolution
Well, I decided to cave. I am now...a blogger. Maybe now my family can read what's going on with us.
The big thing that's been on my mind lately is the up and coming deployment. I was looking through some military support sites today, and stumbled upon http://www.sesameplace.com/. Now, we recieved the deployment kit from http://www.militaryonesource.com/, but this site has a whole lot more resources to help children through their parent's deployment.
I, at first, was getting excited for the fun things they offer, but then, I got a bit nervous. I wonder how Jacob will act? I wonder if he'll be ok? I don't want him to be emotionally scarred from daddy being gone. I know that thousands of kids deal with this across the country and turn out just fine, but it doesn't make it any less scary for me. Jacob already went a year without a daddy. I also realize that just because Paul will be away doesn't mean he's out of Jacob's life. I'm just priming him with prayer. "Lord, please guard his heart from being wounded by this temporary time of being away. And please help them to manifest their relationship in the unorthodox ways that one must use when in two different countries."
Also, there is so much preparation that needs done. It's truly overwhelming. From taking care of the bills, to getting a job, to childcare, to planning what I'm going to send him for Christmas, Anniversary, Valentines Day, his birthday, Jacob's birthday, Easter...to how I'm going to get our taxes done. There are plenty of worksheets, and even classes on pre-deployment prep, but Paul and I suffer from avoidance behavior. We'd rather be relishing in the time we have than putting the blade to the stone and planning. I know, it probably seems childish or immature...or just foolish. We'll probably do it next month: take an entire day and just sit down with the worksheets and plan everything. However. Still scary.
I would be a little less anxious if the Ombudsman or FRG president would get in touch with me, even just to give me a sense of: Ok, we're gonna get through this together. But I've heard nothing.
The big thing that's been on my mind lately is the up and coming deployment. I was looking through some military support sites today, and stumbled upon http://www.sesameplace.com/. Now, we recieved the deployment kit from http://www.militaryonesource.com/, but this site has a whole lot more resources to help children through their parent's deployment.
I, at first, was getting excited for the fun things they offer, but then, I got a bit nervous. I wonder how Jacob will act? I wonder if he'll be ok? I don't want him to be emotionally scarred from daddy being gone. I know that thousands of kids deal with this across the country and turn out just fine, but it doesn't make it any less scary for me. Jacob already went a year without a daddy. I also realize that just because Paul will be away doesn't mean he's out of Jacob's life. I'm just priming him with prayer. "Lord, please guard his heart from being wounded by this temporary time of being away. And please help them to manifest their relationship in the unorthodox ways that one must use when in two different countries."
Also, there is so much preparation that needs done. It's truly overwhelming. From taking care of the bills, to getting a job, to childcare, to planning what I'm going to send him for Christmas, Anniversary, Valentines Day, his birthday, Jacob's birthday, Easter...to how I'm going to get our taxes done. There are plenty of worksheets, and even classes on pre-deployment prep, but Paul and I suffer from avoidance behavior. We'd rather be relishing in the time we have than putting the blade to the stone and planning. I know, it probably seems childish or immature...or just foolish. We'll probably do it next month: take an entire day and just sit down with the worksheets and plan everything. However. Still scary.
I would be a little less anxious if the Ombudsman or FRG president would get in touch with me, even just to give me a sense of: Ok, we're gonna get through this together. But I've heard nothing.
On the same token, maybe it's not a bad thing that dealing with everything can be delayed. As a family, we just have to remember...God knows the beginning from the end, and He is always faithful.
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