Make Me Alone

Today was a typical Sunday. Overly blessed from the minute I woke up until bedtime. I was pondering today some things that I often find myself thinking about. I realized that it's through my relationships I've found the Lord. When I was sixteen I met my first love, who introduced me to Jesus. Through his friendship did I really grasp what God is. When our 'puppy love' dissipated, the falling away process started for me. Later, after a few "godless" relationships, and searching in all the wrong places, I married. It wasn't until I married that I started to have the desire to seek God again. We divorced, ultimately because I falsely advertised myself as a "Christian," but once we married I truly wanted to become a God-seeker. After the divorce, I had a desire for God, but in desperation to find a husband, I again searched in all the wrong places.

If I'd done right by the some Christians' standards, I'd have ceased my search for a man, and pressed in, in search of God's will for my life. I should have let him do a work in me, and make me the wife I needed to be before I found that man. But God knows my heart. He knows how much more willing I was to seek him while I was in a relationship.

In my mind, that would be the circumstance when God would starve me of my desire until I sought Him. I assumed that was what would happen, knowing full-well how my mind works. But even in my situation, He proves to be a loving God. He gave me the man he had for me so much sooner than anyone had ever expected, and created the perfect situation to get alone time with me to make me that woman he designed me to be. If I'd audibly heard His voice, I think He'd have said, "Alright Shannon, I'll compromise with you, since your trust only goes so far. I'll give you the man you've always wanted, and in order to get you to focus on only Me for a while, I'll have him be in the military. That way you can learn how to fully trust me, and be enriched in ways you never thought possible."

God knew my fear of being alone. He also knew more than I did, and that being alone was the only way I would truly focus on Him. So He lovingly made me alone. And how thankful I am for how He knows me.